Wow it’s been super long since I updated. I’ve been meaning to update here and there but I guess I’m the type that goes through phases. Sometimes when I travel to somewhere exciting, receive a meaningful gift, add a new addition to my whatever collections, had a memorable moment and/or find new amusing subjects to talk about, I want to flip out my notebook and start typing away. It’s pretty interesting to read back on your old journals/entries. BUT. I also go through my semi anti-social phase, where I start wanting to take down any of the pictures that includes our faces and writings that contain my personal thoughts, for fear of- publicity? being known? being found? I’m not too sure- and shutting down my little site that I put so much effort into. It’s the introvert in me- I think I’m pretty sociable or come off as pretty approachable when people first meet me, but once I start to relax and feel they don’t need my 100%, I usually stay quiet or shy away in my own corner. I am a recluse. But give me the space and time I need, and I come right back to being the normal outgoing self. :)
Why I’m this way- beats me. It’s an on-going conundrum of my life. But I think it has something to do with a person’s childhood personality remaining in you throughout- no matter how many people you meet and what experiences you go through, you are who you are. deep within. I was super shy when I was little, and I guess still kind of shy now, though some of my friends may not agree, bc i’m outgoing as everyone else is in front of people they’re comfortable with. But it does take me a longggg time- longer it seems as i get older- to open up to a new friend and really get comfortable. I still dread public speaking, networking, and any type of scenarios where the attention is all on me- I start blushing and looking around for the nearest exit. Now, I learned to look uninterested or show no facial emotion (aka boring, or looking bored?) to hide all my anti-socialness and nervousness. As funny as that sounds, that’s my only way of trying to look “as normal” as I can and looking confident (since a girl’s gotta always look confident, right?). I always beat myself up for it later and hope that I didn’t come off the wrong way.
I also don’t express myself very well. I’d like to show my condolences to someone that’s suffering from a loss, but I feel I’m being rude or nosy in their personal affairs, so I remain quiet and hope that they reach out so I can be there. I’d like to lend a helping hand, but don’t know the right words to be more inviting. I probably think too much, noticeably more as I near late 20s, but… I also like that trait about me. That I take the time to think in other persons shoes, whether they acknowledge, care, or appreciate it. I don’t intrude into other’s space and I like to give people their space, let them come, go, whatever they like, though I do retract if they take advantage or are generally a selfish person. But I’m always forgiving. As awkward and passive as I seem, I’m also funny, talkative at times, feisty (sorry hubby) and love girls night outs. how i got to this topic, i don’t know. I guess this is one of those jot-down-my-thoughts kinda entries.
I’ve traveled to Hong kong and Korea and back a several times, went to Hochiminh, Vietnam with our friend couple, and am going to Taiwan this May. wooot! I’d like to update posts on this soon, but as stated above, it depends on if I’m feeling outgoing and can mimic an extrovert. haha
My grandma passed away. I’ve become even more attached to her in my early 20s when I’d go to Korea often, and I can’t believe she’s no longer there to pick up my calls. But I know she’s at a better place now, and I feel really blessed that I have a great family. Didn’t really learn to appreciate this till I was older. Wow, do I have an amazing family!
I also have a super exciting news I’d like to post, but I’d like to dedicate a post of it’s own. soon!
Few more things I’ve noticed interesting about Singapore to end this post on a not-so-philosophical note:
- Where the heck are the napkins? I’m a forgetful person and Singapore is not a welcoming place for a forgetful soul. I’ve eaten my hot noodles with runny noses many times bc food centers here don’t carry napkins. I wouldn’t mind paying a bit more for each plate just to have napkins provided at an eatery.
- Taxi drivers here BLAST air-conditioning as if their skin lost its senses. I get in a hot, sweaty person and come out as a snow woman. So is my work or Singapore buildings in general. but taxis (oh and movie theatres where I lug around my parka that I thought I’d never need in Singapore) are the coldest.
- Yet many Singaporeans live without air-conditioning at their home. what the? I can’t even survive without one in less-hot climates like Los Angeles.
- I am a Korean-American and do not get offended if someone calls me Korean. Singaporean Chinese (or chinese singaporean?) gets offended, or so i hear, if one calls them “Chinese.” Yet they speak better Mandarin than English. Why? As an Asian myself I do not understand this whole ordeal. same with someone calling a Malaysian-Singaporean, Malaysian.