One of the things I wish I had done in my wedding planning process was to ask my bridesmaids in a creative manner. Having been asked to be a bridesmaid twice, one being face-to-face and another a personal email, I did the same for mine thinking this is the way it’s done. I had no idea that there were so many cute ideas up on the internet! (the negative side of marrying early) I know there’s no “right” way to ask my bridesmaids, but now that I have time to look back I think it would’ve been a cute and memorable experience to make it creative.
I can’t think of what I would’ve personally done because it’s already done and over with, but something cute and personal for sure bc I love things like these, especially if it’s for good friends 🙂
I had a lot of close friends I wanted to have as my bridesmaids, and there were a few that I didn’t get to. It wasn’t because I wasn’t closer to them or that they were a bad friend, few were actually the opposite: They were more understanding than others and that they aren’t the type to be catty/hurt about it if they weren’t included. Last thing I wanted was hurt feelings and unnecessary tension, bc you all know those type of friends. I wanted to keep my BM number at 6 for Korean and American celebration mostly due to cost, because I’m having two celebrations and therefore all the costs are doubled. For those that were at my actual Korean ceremony which is the most important day for David and I, I wanted to get them their dress, hair and makeup and doing that for six girls including their bouquets and meals for them and their “extra 1’s,” the cost really adds up for 6 bridesmaids. and don’t forget the costs of THANK YOU presents and dinners, which may be more expensive than the actual wedding cost for BMs. For my American reception BM’s, I got them another 6 dresses and thank you presents even for holding my bridal shower because I felt bad that I couldn’t get them makeup/hair for the American reception.
Here’s my advice on choosing BM’s now that it’s over:
-choose them wisely! choose only the friends you think will be of great help to you throughout the process. It’s also their job to decline if they don’t think they can due to work and school or they are just not the type of person to help, but some just don’t or maybe they just don’t know. It’s hard knowing what kind of people they really are until these big events hit (same goes for selfish brides), but don’t be too disappointed… life goes on.
–Don’t be cheap and at least get them something upfront! I wanted to get dress, hair/makeup for my bridesmaids for my Korean ceremony and I’m so glad I did. You don’t have to buy an expensive dress or an expensive artist, it’s the thought that counts. If you can’t afford it, then cut your BM number or tell them in advance which goes to my next point…
-budget well and be clear upfront so there are no misunderstandings! I told my BM’s upfront that for those that can’t make it to Korea, I won’t be able to provide makeup/hair for them (only dresses and bouquets). I didn’t care who came to my ceremony and didn’t, I left it up to them to decide bc I didn’t want to pressure anyone to fly to Korea. I’d hate to get pressured to fly somewhere if it’s well over 8 hour flight and feel bad at the same time if I don’t make it, and I didn’t want anyone to feel guilty either. If you want your friends to be part of it but can’t afford to do a lot of things for them, tell them honestly! Good friends understand as long as you’re being clear and tell them upfront from the beginning what you can and can’t do for them and if they’re still willing to accept being your bridesmaid.
-know what to expect and what not to expect. don’t expect your bm’s to be your florist, wedding planners, online shoppers, etc when it’s something you can do yourself. If you really need help, shoot out couple emails for help and ask for favors. Good friends(bm’s) will check in with you couple times a month to see how you’re doing. If you are asking for a huge favor that costs a lot of time, effort, and/or money (bc you can’t hire professionals), make sure to thank them! As long as you do your part and are cordial, the true friends will really be there for you and stand up for you and really really go out of their way, as some of mine have been. Those that weren’t, just think of it as that’s just how they are as humans and that’s just much how they’ll get out of your friendship later.
Going through your wedding process really makes you realize who your true friends are. I was so thankful to learn throughout the process that some really really are there for you and go out of their way. My husband and I talk about our bridal party and feel our friendship with a few strengthened so much more. I can’t wait till they get married or have babies (my one bm that got married in dec 😉 ) so that I can return the favor 100 times more! Same goes for those that contributed so much when they weren’t even in the bridal party. It’s hard to find genuine friends, make sure to return the favor.
Wedding, Cities & Motherhood 